The "Is This Really Happening?" Newsletter

The "Is This Really Happening?" Newsletter
Because if you don't laugh, you'll cry.

World Affairs:
Headline: Russia Launches Largest Air Attack Yet on Ukraine Amid Prisoner Exchange

In a stunning display of coordination, Russia decided to bomb Ukraine while simultaneously swapping prisoners. It's like offering a handshake with one hand while throwing a grenade with the other. Sources say the prisoners were thrilled to be released, if only to escape the sheer absurdity of it all.
Headline: North Korea Detains 3 Shipyard Officials Over Failed Naval Destroyer Launch

Three lucky officials are now enjoying an extended stay at a North Korean "spa" after a naval destroyer launch went slightly less than swimmingly. Experts suggest that next time, they try adding more duct tape and fewer hopes and dreams.
Domestic Doings:
Headline: Trump's Clash With The Courts Intensifies

In a plot twist no one saw coming (except everyone), Trump is still battling the legal system. Sources say his lawyers are considering arguing that the courtroom is actually a stage, and he's just method acting.
Headline: GOP Senator Hits Trump Tax Bill, Says There Are Enough Votes To 'Stop'

Republicans are fighting amongst themselves again, this time over taxes. It's like watching a bunch of toddlers argue over who gets to play with the shiny object, except the shiny object is the U.S. economy.
Weird & Wonderful:
Headline: Bodies of 5 Skiers Found on Swiss Glacier

Five skiers have become one with the Swiss Alps, proving once and for all that nature is both beautiful and indifferent to human suffering. In related news, sales of hot cocoa have skyrocketed.
Headline: Oregon Man Who Quit His Job to Set Sail With His Cat Arrives to Cheering Fans in Hawaii

Proving that dreams really do come true (if your dream involves quitting your job and sailing with a cat), one Oregon man has achieved peak internet fame. Experts predict that his cat will soon demand its own reality TV show.
Headline: Robots race, cops play bingo, and a groom runs off with the bride's mom

I'm not sure what is more shocking, robots racing, cops playing bingo or a groom running off with the bride's mom, all of these things sound equally likely to happen any day.
In Other News:
Delta Air Lines is turning 100, which means they've been losing luggage for a century.
Publix recalls baby food after finding elevated lead levels, because nothing says "wholesome" like heavy metals.
Parting Thought:
Remember to take everything you read with a grain of salt, a healthy dose of skepticism, and maybe a shot of tequila.